Now That You're Out
The Challenges and Joys of Living as a Gay Man
by Martin Kantor, MD
June 2011, 235pp, 6 1/8x9 1/4
1 volume, Praeger

Hardcover: 978-0-313-38751-7
$55, £43, 48€, A76
eBook Available: 978-0-313-38752-4
Please contact your preferred eBook vendor for pricing.

The 2000 census—the first to count gay and lesbian couples in the United States—showed 594,743 admitted gay couples, likely a significant underestimate since not all gay couples were willing to be so identified. Despite increasing acceptance of homosexuality in America, homophobia and discrimination are still pervasive; “coming out” is not the panacea it is often assumed to be.

This book is an invaluable resource manual and survival guide for gay men who often turn to peers, parents, educators, or the media for direction, only to encounter misleading myths about gay life, such as the notion that "coming out solves everything."

For some gay men being homosexual is often anything but “gay.” What are typically assumed to be “gay attributes” are often not characteristics of being gay but symptoms of common emotional disorders in gay men.

In this insightful book, longtime psychiatrist Martin Kantor—who is himself a gay man and has been in a committed relationship for 27 years—documents the issues associated with coming out and the challenges of gay relationships, including friendship, marriage, “getting dumped,” and sexuality, with unflinching and honest candor. He also addresses the emotional problems and pervasive sense of loneliness that frequently haunt gay men while examining subcultural issues which exist within the gay community, including ageism. Other topics include developing a gay lifestyle (being gay in a certain way), parental relationships, issues of midlife and aging, and therapy and self-help options for gay men who feel they need it.


  • Contains a bibliography of useful sources and further reading
  • Provides a glossary of important terms
Martin Kantor, MD, is a Harvard-trained psychiatrist who has been in full private practice in Boston and New York City, and active in residency training programs at hospitals including Massachusetts General, Boston, MA, and Beth Israel, New York, NY. He also served as assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Mount Sinai Medical School and clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey-New Jersey Medical School. Kantor is a full-time author whose published works include 19 other books, including Praeger's Homophobia: The State of Sexual Bigotry Today and The Essential Guide to Overcoming Avoidant Personality Disorder.
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