Offers understanding, support, and guidance for people caring for their aging parents and facing the emotional upheaval that may bring—from taboo feelings to the stark realization of one's own mortality.
With medical science, health care, and healthy lifestyles extending our lifespans as never before, more and more midlife adults are finding themselves caring for their aging parents. This role can trigger not only logistical and financial challenges, but also great emotional upheaval. There is a reversal of roles as the child—often in the midst of raising his or her own adolescent or young adult offspring—becomes the caretaker of the parent. A parent's aging and mortality elicits strong feelings of loss, and a stark realization of one's own aging and mortality. Past, present, and future paths converge, and the caretaker is at the center of that crossroads. Psychologist Praver—a specialist working with such caretakers—shows us their inner worlds, and how they used a difficult point in their lives to embark on a journey of self-understanding and self-transformation—a journey toward a more meaningful life for themselves.
Readers can gain a better understanding of their own lives— and know they are not alone in their struggles to contend with and find powerful benefits from the emotional side of caring for an aging parent. Distress can become peace of mind, as we see in the stories of men and women who sought Praver's help. Relationships that might be weakened by a caretaker role—relationships between caretakers and their children, spouses, and friends—can actually grow stronger with the experience. Profound issues affecting caretakers are shared in this evocative book, which is an enlightening and enjoyable read.
Acknowledgments
Introduction
My Story
Getting Your House in Order
Role Reversal
Diverse Role Demands
Emotions Evoked
Dark Feelings in the Spotlight
Guilt, Guilt, and More Guilt
Caring for Yourself
Problems from the Past
Unfinished Family Business
The Burden Is on You
Long Distance Caring
Handle with Care
The Setting Sun
Reviews
Unlike most other books on caring for an aging parent, this one emphasizes the opportunities for middle-aged caregivers to grow and change as they negotiate the demands of aging parents and, often at the same time, those of the increasingly independent adolescent and young adult children....[i]nsightful. Public libraries will want to purchase it for the many baby boomers now facing these problems and seeking guidance.—Library Journal
[A]n informative and insightful look at midlife....With her emphasis on midlife as a time for personal enlightenment and growth, Praver encourages readers to embrace this phase of their lives.—Booklist
Endorsements
Dr. Praver informatively presents complex ideas about our interactions with people, and particularly our aging parents, without compromising the integrity of the theoretical concepts. Her many case examples are lively, evocative and her writing style is suitable to both a lay and professional audience.—Roberta Jellinek, Ph.D.,^LPsychoanalyst and Psychotherapist, private practice^LNew York City
Interacting with our aging parents, and/or with our children as their aging parents, has become a quite universal life passage, still largely unexplored in the psychological literature. Dr. Praver's book discusses it from the point of view of contemporary psychoanalysis,...it would be a valuable companion to anyone navigating through the difficulties of aging within significant intergenerational relationships.—Gladys Guarton,^LFaculty and Supervisor^LDerner Institute of Advanced Psychological Studies^LAdelphi University
Dr. Praver delivers an informed and personal view of what psychology and psychiatry can offer.... Praver demystifies the process of psychotherapy and simplifies psychoanalysis, in a realistic unassuming manner for a lay public. Yet the same understandable chapters also deliver fertile, sophisticated insights for students and practicing clinicians in the field.—Julia A. Becker, M.D.,^LPracticing Board Certified Psychiatrist^LLong Island, New York
Many of us will have to care for our aging parents while contending with the reality that we too are growing old. In [this] insightful book, Dr. Praver describes our personal and spiritual enlightenment as we reverse caretaking roles with our parents.—Robert Reich, M.D.,^LAssistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry^LMount Sinai School of Medicine^LNew York
Read this book and learn how to save your life by living with the knowledge that your time is limited. It will help you to find your chocolate ice cream and live out your life consuming it.—Bernie Siegel, M.D.,^Lauthor of ^IHelp Me to Heal and 365 Prescriptions for the Soul^R
By using gripping case histories to provide invaluable insights, Dr. Cohen Praver encourages the reader to move beyond the crossroads of stress and heightened trauma--and use one's 'gift of time' to embrace the road that is positive and life-affirming.—Virginia F. Sendor,^Lco-author of ^IHospice and Palliative Care: Questions and Answers^R
A highly sophisticated, insightful self-help book on how to deal with your aging parents and your aging self. It helps you to understand who you are.—Yehuda Nir, M.D.,^Lauthor of ^IThe Lost Childhood^R and Associate Professor of Psychiatry,^LCornell University Medical School
